Resolving conflict is not always simple or easy, however, there are a number of NLP techniques that can help.

Any chance of resolution requires that the conflicting parties attain a level of rapport on which to build the process. Rapport is the relationship that people create when they find a positive and harmonious connection with each other. Rapport often occurs naturally but sometimes we need to consciously create this state. This step cannot be overlooked!

Now we need to determine who is in the problem state. Who has the unmet need? In NLP terms, we are removing any lost performatives that may exist. Lost Performative is when someone says something that contains a rule or judgement without anyone taking responsibility for it. For example, ‘You should do this….’ Who says I should?

Once ownership of the problem has been resolved, in other words, the person or group with the issue is identified; we are able to determine the intervention point. For the purpose of conflict resolution we can define the intervention point as the place the problem presents. The intervention is an attempt to stop, start or change the issue that is identified in the ownership phase.

In conflict resolution, it is important to be clear that owning a problem does not imply fault. The only conclusion we can reasonably make, is that someone is not in their desired state. 

The skill of the NLP practitioner is to facilitate each party in reaching their desired state, without creating another problem state in the process.

Perceptual Positions is a very effective technique for managing conflicts. Using this process, we voice our own concerns, see the issue from an objective, ‘fly on the wall’ position and as best we can, from the other party’s viewpoint. In this way, we begin working towards a mutually satisfactory outcome. Using this approach allows both sides to feel that they have been heard and understood.

To resolve conflict, we need to know what we want. We need a specific end point; an acceptable outcome for all involved. Chunking is a wonderful NLP technique that takes us out of our restrictive personal view and lifts us up to a more general level where we can access our solution state and find this acceptable outcome.

At this meta level, agreement is easier to find as the distinction between behaviour and intention becomes more obvious. Those in conflict are now able to work from a solution state rather than a problem state.

Having accessed this higher-level interest, we can now look for other points of agreement. The more agreement points we have, the greater the chance of a solution being found. When we have recognised the obstacles in the conflict, the leverage point can be identified and alternative outcomes explored; this is chunking laterally. With agreement reached about the positive intentions and desired outcomes, we can now chunk down to the solution specifics.

The process can be illustrated by a recent situation in a developing business. The accounts officer complained that too much money was being spent on buying high quality paper and stated that money could be saved by simply purchasing a lower quality brand. The sales manager disagreed with the accounts officer and stated that presenting to clients on a higher quality paper created an impression of a business that focussed on quality.  The first question to both parties could be ‘what would this do for the business?’ The answers would be a chunk up from the issue of the paper and focus on ‘reduced costs’ and ‘an increase in sales’ respectively.

Chunking up one further step and we come to an agreement level of ‘an increase in revenue for the business’. Now that we have the solution state of agreement, we can discuss the best option for the business. This is chunking down. Discussions that begin from the solution state are generally much more productive and of course, civil!

By skillfully applying the techniques learned in NLP certification training, we can access our solution state and hold space for the others. From this position we can determine the direction in which we need to proceed, in order to get those dishes done.

If NLP is something you would like to learn more about, this article is a good place to start. What is NLP?