Why Self Love Should Be Your #1 Priority in Your Coaching Business

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According to Marianne Williamson’s book, A Return to Love, in every instance you are either projecting an expression of Love or Fear. I appreciate this guideline because when you tune in with Your TRUTH and then label your present expression as Love or as Fear…you instantly become equipped with powerful information that enables you to make better, more aligned decisions in every part of your life and business.

I hope that when you are in a coaching session you are an expression of Love.

Are you Coaching from Love or Fear?

perfect loveImagine any of your past coaching sessions where you really wanted to do your best. You wanted to make a good impression and make sure your client got tons of value for their investment.

Being prepared is one thing and that is an expression of Love. It is loving to yourself to be organised and feel calm, centered and ready for your session. It is also loving to your client when you show up at your best.

BUT if you were at all worried before/during/after the coaching session; that your coaching wouldn’t be enough, that your client wouldn’t value your work, or wouldn’t want another session… Well, that would be an expression of Fear. Your worry and concern would have consciously and/or unconsciously underpinned everything you did and said in the session.

In my experience, fear shows up in other ways too. Talking more than your client, angling the conversation to control outcomes or feeding a codependent relationship are all expressions of Fear that get in the way of our coaching clients finding the answers within – the place that matters the most and has the most lasting impact on their life.

Your Self Love Impacts Your Coaching


low self loveIf you have low self Love you predominately project an expression of Fear / Constriction in what you do, including coaching clients! Of course this has a profound impact on your ability to be a great coach.

For example:

  1. If you have low self love you might be “successful” at first but you will not be able to sustain it without paying for it, most likely in your health, fitness, or relationships.
  2. If your self love is particularly low (like mine was) your business is likely to have some wins but overall it’s a hard slog. Feels like you are pushing it uphill.
  3. If you have low self love you are probably not getting many word of mouth referrals and you are not fully booked.
  4. If you have low self love you are probably working way more hours than you need to or want to.
  5. If you have low self love you are probably wasting precious energy worrying about how much to charge, wondering if you have given enough value, judging yourself, etc.


If you have high self Love you predominately project an expression of Love/ Expansion in all that you do. Your alignment to Love enables you to be a great coach who is whole and grounded and because you’ve done your soul work and found your true essence, you can guide your client to find that within themself.

sunrise roseFor example:

  1. When you deeply love yourself you can have it all; a profitable fun business/career, health, fitness and loving relationships with self and others.
  2. When you have high self love, you intrinsically know your value so you are not afraid to charge for your work. You also have compassion for what different people can afford and create products for all levels.
  3. When you have high self love you deeply trust yourself. You feel and follow your intuition in sessions.
  4. When your self love is high you keep your ego in check. This means you do not need to be right or have all the answers. You are OK to not know.
  5. When your self love is high you become a conscious conduite of loving intent for people to be their own best teacher. You guide your clients to find their own answers within.
  6. When your self love is high you confidently recommend your clients to helpful resources even outside of your own products.
  7. When your self love is high you ask permission before sharing examples and even personal experiences that relate to what your client is exploring. You ask permission to share any insights you have about your client – especially those around patterns, emotions and blocks and you do it in a loving way that does not painfully reactivate old trauma and wounding.
  8. When your self love is high you are more likely to experience more ease, grace and effectiveness in less time in your coaching conversations without feeling judged by your client and without judging yourself.

come this far

15 Years to Be a Proper Coach

When I did my coaching diploma 15 years ago I TOTALLY thought I was ready to be a coach. I felt confident and felt like I loved myself.

Looking at my self love measured over the course of my life I can see that back then, I had logic-ed myself into appearing confident and invincible. (This was a good thing…my oblivion kept me safe and functioning….until my soul was ready to heal…many, many years later). In truth, I was wounded, with low self esteem and little self love.
If I knew back then, what I know now, I would NEVER have started coaching UNTIL my self love was at a level where I could always show up to my sessions in my authentic expression of Love. To me anything less is a disservice to myself, my client and to the coaching profession.

Soul Work

In my experience, it didn’t take very long to raise my self love. I wish I would have got this knowledge in coaching school because once I connected with the critical importance of deepening my self love, and started doing my soul work, my self love jumped from 20% to 70%. And that happened in less than a year!

After that, my coaching conversations started to evolve, expand and blossom. My businesses became joyful again, feeling inspired and aligned became the norm, I started attracting amazing new people into my life, my family life harmonized…I could go on but I’ll cut it there and say that pretty much all parts of my life went through a massive upgrade.

There are so many incredible coaching and healing tools and modalities out there for doing your soul work but for me it was through processes like Passion Mapping, The Emotion Code and Body Code, Family Constellations, and the Star (a new technology soon to be released) I cleared out distortions, healed old wounds and finally started to see, hear and feel my true essence – my ME.

It seems the more clear I am as a soul the easier and more joyful it becomes for me to hold space for growth in unconditional love for others.

Self Love First

We need to find self love before we can lovingly coach others. I hope that this article has got you wondering about your self love and how high or low your self love is right now. In my previous article I showed you how to measure your self love so you can re-prioritize things in your coaching business if you need to OR at least be validated that you are on the right track. In the meantime if you are wanting some amazing resources for doing your soul work, you can get started with these brilliant life-changing books: There are also plenty of excellent articles in the Coach Guardian too. 🙂
Benay Dyor

Benay Dyor

Life's a Journey. I don't always get it right but I'm having FUN! For my JOB I help coaches shine their Light in the world. I do this through a range of enjoyable, collaborative projects with friends I love and admire. Check out The Coach Guardian, Life Coach Office, and Passion Maps.


Benay Dyor

Benay Dyor

Life's a Journey. I don't always get it right but I'm having FUN! For my JOB I help coaches shine their Light in the world. I do this through a range of enjoyable, collaborative projects with friends I love and admire. Check out The Coach Guardian, Life Coach Office, and Passion Maps.


Leave a Reply

This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. Ricia Leslie

    Thank you for sharing your authentic Truth. Your vulnerability is truly powerful. Real talk. God bless. Ricia

    1. Benay Dyor

      Thank you for seeing Ricia. This feels like the way forward to me, so I’m bravely leading by example. xox

  2. Angelika Matev

    Thank you for this beautiful article!
    Self-Love is central to my practice and my work with clients. It is definitely the foundation of authentic living and it’s essential for healing, inner growth, and personal development.
    I love the way the coach-client relationship is analyzed from the perspective of self-love! Also, I really like the focus on the impact the coaching process has when delivered from a place of self-acceptance and self-love vs the negative effects of guiding others while being disconnected from one’s core essence.
    Again, a great article, lots of food for thought, and much loving inspiration! Thank you!!

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